I Don't Even...

I was hanging out with Apostle Paul this past week while watching my two oldest girls play soccer and enjoying sunlight on my skin.  So as I was reading about Paul, I came across these two thoughts and I had to put the book down (always have a book with you wherever you go, always a great companion to have along) and close my eyes for a bit.

My response to what I am about to share with you is simply this, "I don't even know what to do with this!"  Haha.  Ready?

First thought that I connected with was found in 2 Corinthians 11:24-28 - "Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes.  Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent in the deep.  I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren; I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure.  Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure on me of concern for all the churches."

Now, when I read Scripture, I am always looking for a word or a phrase that stands out to me and then I use that as my focal point of meditation.  Well, this time as I read those words the phrase that stood out to me was "from the Jews."  Why?  They are Paul's own people.  He is one of them.  Chances are, he grew up with some of them and now they are beating him senseless and, why?  Jesus!  So Paul takes a beating by his own people because he has embraced Jesus Christ, when really they should too, but their eyes are blinded to the reality of who Jesus is.  Now, I am going to be straight up with you.  After my first set of 39 lashes, I am rethinking my calling out.  Heck, I might even rethink my relationship with Jesus.  Like, how can I follow Jesus without all this?  I mean, wow.  And he received that on 5 different occasions across the same ole back.  What was recovery like for Paul back then?  How long was it between his lashes?  Were the wounds even scabbed over from the previous lashings?  All for Jesus.  Whew!  So here I am at a soccer game overcome with emotions about what the cost was for Paul to follow Jesus.  And my feelings toward my Jewish brothers?  I don't even want to go there at this moment.  Then...

My second portion of reading came from Romans 9:2-3 (you sitting down for this) - "I am telling the truth in Christ, I am not lying, my conscience testifies with me in the Holy Spirit, that I have great sorrow and unceasing grief in my heart.  For I could wish that I myself were accursed, separated from Christ for the sake of my brethren"  

Have you had the ah-ha moment yet like I did?  The word that stood out to me is the word "brethren" meaning the same ones who probably whipped his body 39x on 5 different occasions.  Paul says, "I could wish that I myself were accursed, SEPARATED from Christ for the sake of "those who beat me because they are blinded to the reality of who Jesus Christ really is."   And now I am overwhelmed...i don't even know what to think, do, or say.   Because, I don't think this way.  And do you see who Paul is acting like, thinking like, speaking like?  Jesus.  Are you kidding me?  Jesus is that precious to Paul.  Paul's body is not worth it...or in the words of Esther, "if I perish, I perish”.  Jesus is Paul's everything and he would give Jesus up if he knew that his brothers would embrace Jesus as their Savior.  Then it led me to some words of Jesus (gulp) - 

"you are blessed when they insult you and persecute you and falsely say every kind of evil against you because of me.  Be glad and rejoice, because your reward is in heaven." (Matthew 5:11-12)

"if anyone slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also...and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two."  (Matthew 5:39, 41)

"but I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:44-45)

At this point, I'm done.  Haha.  But can't you at least appreciate Paul's willingness to lean into the obedience of Jesus Christ?  And as I am sitting there on the bleachers, I hear the same Spirit whisper to me, "How about you?"

I'm almost done.  But the part of all this that got my attention is back in Romans 9 - "that I have great sorrow and unceasing grief in my heart..."  People apart from Jesus Christ break Paul's heart...and because people are lost, Paul considers his body and life as a living sacrifice to be used however for the glory of people knowing Jesus.  May the same Spirit that moved the life of Jesus, that spoke into the life of Paul, that whispered to me say to you, "How about you?"

One more Scripture and a quote:

Romans 10:1 - "brothers and sisters, my heart's desire and prayer to God concerning them is for their salvation."  May we start praying for people's salvation and how we can be used to bring Glory to Jesus.

"discipleship is the process of becoming who Jesus would be if he were you."  Dallas Willard.

"how about you?"