I am just going to be brutally honest and tell you that I am very angry. I am angry with myself, angry with what has been done to me, and angry what I have done to others. I want to be free and I guess in time I might be or maybe, I will just know of "His grace in my time of need" (Hebrews 4:16) or that "His grace is sufficient to me" (2 Corinthians 12:9) I even wrote in my journal the other night, maybe the miracle for me right now in life is to know His grace in the midst of my pain instead of the healing. I swear i continually hear Jesus say over and over, "i just want you to know my grace..." And at first, i would respond with "i don't deserve it" to now being only able to say "thank you." Jesus and I both fully know what I deserve and what I don't deserve and I do not need to remind Him because frankly it isn't going to change things because "neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to seperate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39) So i am going to just keep walking forward even if it is baby steps toward my Jesus...and in due time He will do what He thinks is best. If it is for me to have a thorn in my flesh for the rest of my life here, may He be glorified through it. If He decides to remove it after some time, may He be glorified through it. His call...not mine.
Now, i had a good visit with a friend this morning, let me share it with you:
So I will set it up by having you picture a very hot and dry desert. In the desert nothing grows and there is no water. Can you imagine being out there all day long with no relief? Shew. This morning while having coffee a dear friend came to visit me. His name is Jeremiah. He shared this thought with me that I so badly needed and then of course, i thought of you my friend...let me share
"cursed is the person who trusts in mankind. He makes human flesh his strength, and his heart is turns from the Lord. He will be like a juniper in the Arabah (if you know me you know that when I read scripture i always ask the Lord to show me a phrase, a word, or a picture of what He would like for me to chew on...well, the juniper in the Arabah was the phrase...ill come back to it in a minute) he cannot see when good comes but dwells in the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land where no one lives. The person who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence indeed is the Lord is blessed. He will be like a tree planted by water; it sends its roots out toward a stream, it doesn't fear when heat comes and its foliage remains green. It will not worry in a year of drought or cease producing fruit." (Jeremiah 17:5-8)
Here is my thought - nothing grows in a desert and yet, there is a juniper tree in the midst of the Arabah = trusting in mankind. Water makes everything grow and there is a tree that is planted right by the stream with its roots soaking in it = trusting in the Lord. Makes sense right? But do I believe it? Do you believe it? Let me ask you some hard questions that I asked myself this past week: 1. Did you trust the Lord with whatever you faced this past week? 2. Were your emotions controlled because of the people around you this past week? 3. Did you give yourself time each day to allow your roots to soak in His stream this past week? 4. Did you seek out the Lord with every decision you made this week? Now, don't be mad at me because I never ask you questions that I first haven't dealt with myself but let me tell you, i probably only passed my own questions with a 25% rating and then I wonder why I feel like a juniper tree in the midst of Arabah not being able to see the good that has come my way. And then when things come my way fear (v.8) and worry (v.8) come into play. And if I continue this way, i will only be good for cutting down, being thrown into a fire or turned into a boat or a house. A tree was made to bear fruit and you know what I do believe? That God is so majestic and powerful that if He decided to plant me (a juniper tree} in the midst of a desert and I kept my gaze upon Him, He would allow me to bear fruit but here's the deal, He doesn't want me to be a juniper tree in the desert. He wants me to be a tree planted by water. He wants my roots to go toward Him. And when heat comes, i have no fear. When a drought comes, i am not worried. Heck, I'm not even worried about about bearing fruit because the truth is if I am planted by the streams (Jesus) i will do what I was made to do naturally. I think we make it way too complicated because we make it more about us than Him. I even had an aha moment this week. In Matthew it says that Mary Magdelene took hold of Jesus' feet after His resurrection in an act of worship and Jesus allowed it. But in John 20, when Mary Magdelene tried to take a hold of Jesus after His resurrection, He wouldn't allow it because in that moment, she was clinging on to Him for her, not out of worship. And I asked myself the question, "is my life about Jesus is or is Jesus about me?" Sadly, we make Jesus about us and that is not right. Our lives exist because God planted us and spoke us into being and if we make our lives about Jesus...hold on.
I'm learning that my anger comes because I am focused on the wrong things. I keep placing my trust in humans and they fail me or vice versa, i fail them and it leads to anger. Let's not live by being a juniper tree in the desert...let's put our trust in Jesus, even with what "little" we might have and go from there. He WANTS us. He WANTS us to place our trust in Him. HE IS TRUSTWORTHY, let's get our eyes off of us and onto Him and we will see that to be true. He WANTS us to produce fruit. But today we must choose, desert or living water?
Sunday, November 18, 2018
Sunday, November 11, 2018
This World Is Not Your Home
This world is not your home...it isn't! We need to start living faithfully for our actual Home. This was pressed upon my heart this past week as I was reading Matthew 21
I seriously wrestle with how Jesus did it. I sincerely want to be faithful like Jesus was and yet, I fail moreso than succeed. Each time I fall i think to myself, how on earth did Jesus do it. According to Hebrews 4 - "He was tempted in everyway that I am tempted and yet He did not sin"...HOW? Then reading Matthew 21 on His way to the Cross (beginning process of passion week) He is riding a donkey. He is fulfilling Scripture based off of Zechariah 9:9 - "look, your King is coming to you; He is righteous and victorious, humble and riding on a donkey..." While He is riding this donkey faithfully, the people are shouting Hosannah...Hosannah. It is happening, we are being released from the oppression of the Romans...but please don't miss it friends. We aren't being released from our oppressions of the "romans"...we are being released from the death of sin. We are being ripped from the hands of the evil one named Satan. Don't think Jesus came to make your life easy becasue if you focus on that you will miss Jesus dearly...but KNOW that Jesus came to save you, redeem you, rescue you, declare you as HIS from Satan. Jesus coming was bigger than being released from oppression of the "romans", His coming was for your heart to be His heart...now that is big time. That's worth rejoicing, dancing, and celebrating even in the hard times of oppression (whatever they may be in your life right now). Sorry, back to my original thought.
As they are screaming hosannah loudly, they later on Friday will be screaming "crucify Him...crucify Him...let His blood be on us and our children...wait, what? The same crowd that ushered Him in praising Him now want Him dead. Why? Because they wanted Him to make their lives easy and when they realized He didn't, they had no use of Him...they missed it friends. Don't miss it. But how on earth did He stay focus and not fail? How did He utter from the Cross, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing...or asking...or thinking. How did He do it? How can we do it in this broken world?
The answer! Focus on the Kingdom that we actually belong too and not this kingdom. This kingdom that we live in right now is broken, can be hateful, is evil but most importantly, will be destroyed...but His Kingdom will never fade or be destroyed. His Kingdom is peaceful, pure, holy, and right and is forever. Live now for your real Home. I think of Jesus, Paul, Stephen, Peter, other faithful men and women who died for their God and how did they do it? They were consumed with their True Home. What are we consumed with right now? Here? It is not worth it! Heaven? It is how we can keep marching faithfully while being shot at. If you are consumed with Jesus, you are at war and you will be shot at everyday...thus as Peter says, "dear friends, do not be surprised when the fiery ordeal comes among you to test you as if something unusual were happening to you. Instead, (you ready for this) rejoice as you share in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may also rejoice with great joy when His glory is revealed."(1 Peter 4:12-19). Rejoice? Yep, because as you are being shot at and keeping your eyes focused on His Kingdom, He is cheering you on. We can do it for His Glory. We can do it to show others the true Hope we have because we belong to a different Kingdom. How did innocent Jesus suffer greatly at the sinful hands of humanity? Because His attention was on His Father's Kingdom and because of that, He was able to say, "It is finished" and it was finished. Be of good cheer because the best is yet to come my friends. The best is yet to come.
Listen to this song as a final conclusion to my thoughts today: Be ready!!!
https://youtu.be/Ze2paNPySGE
I seriously wrestle with how Jesus did it. I sincerely want to be faithful like Jesus was and yet, I fail moreso than succeed. Each time I fall i think to myself, how on earth did Jesus do it. According to Hebrews 4 - "He was tempted in everyway that I am tempted and yet He did not sin"...HOW? Then reading Matthew 21 on His way to the Cross (beginning process of passion week) He is riding a donkey. He is fulfilling Scripture based off of Zechariah 9:9 - "look, your King is coming to you; He is righteous and victorious, humble and riding on a donkey..." While He is riding this donkey faithfully, the people are shouting Hosannah...Hosannah. It is happening, we are being released from the oppression of the Romans...but please don't miss it friends. We aren't being released from our oppressions of the "romans"...we are being released from the death of sin. We are being ripped from the hands of the evil one named Satan. Don't think Jesus came to make your life easy becasue if you focus on that you will miss Jesus dearly...but KNOW that Jesus came to save you, redeem you, rescue you, declare you as HIS from Satan. Jesus coming was bigger than being released from oppression of the "romans", His coming was for your heart to be His heart...now that is big time. That's worth rejoicing, dancing, and celebrating even in the hard times of oppression (whatever they may be in your life right now). Sorry, back to my original thought.
As they are screaming hosannah loudly, they later on Friday will be screaming "crucify Him...crucify Him...let His blood be on us and our children...wait, what? The same crowd that ushered Him in praising Him now want Him dead. Why? Because they wanted Him to make their lives easy and when they realized He didn't, they had no use of Him...they missed it friends. Don't miss it. But how on earth did He stay focus and not fail? How did He utter from the Cross, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing...or asking...or thinking. How did He do it? How can we do it in this broken world?
The answer! Focus on the Kingdom that we actually belong too and not this kingdom. This kingdom that we live in right now is broken, can be hateful, is evil but most importantly, will be destroyed...but His Kingdom will never fade or be destroyed. His Kingdom is peaceful, pure, holy, and right and is forever. Live now for your real Home. I think of Jesus, Paul, Stephen, Peter, other faithful men and women who died for their God and how did they do it? They were consumed with their True Home. What are we consumed with right now? Here? It is not worth it! Heaven? It is how we can keep marching faithfully while being shot at. If you are consumed with Jesus, you are at war and you will be shot at everyday...thus as Peter says, "dear friends, do not be surprised when the fiery ordeal comes among you to test you as if something unusual were happening to you. Instead, (you ready for this) rejoice as you share in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may also rejoice with great joy when His glory is revealed."(1 Peter 4:12-19). Rejoice? Yep, because as you are being shot at and keeping your eyes focused on His Kingdom, He is cheering you on. We can do it for His Glory. We can do it to show others the true Hope we have because we belong to a different Kingdom. How did innocent Jesus suffer greatly at the sinful hands of humanity? Because His attention was on His Father's Kingdom and because of that, He was able to say, "It is finished" and it was finished. Be of good cheer because the best is yet to come my friends. The best is yet to come.
Listen to this song as a final conclusion to my thoughts today: Be ready!!!
https://youtu.be/Ze2paNPySGE
Sunday, November 4, 2018
Oh Jesus!
I get Peter. He wants Jesus so badly but he is just covered in his own flesh way too much. Peter has great moments, and then not so great moments. I get that. There is this one special moment when Peter does something remarkable and because of it, we see the glory and beauty of Jesus...not Peter.
Jesus is out walking on water when Peter demands to come out to Him and Jesus says, "come" and Peter walks on water...........and then sinks. As Peter is sinking he yells out "Lord save me!" Do you know what Jesus does? Let's play this out a bit before we look at what the Scriptures tell us:
Jesus rebuked Peter! Nope
Jesus says to Peter, because you have dishonored me with your unbelief, you must get yourself out of this situation! Nope
Jesus punished Peter for failing! Nope
Jesus was ashamed of Peter! Nope
Matthew 14:31 says this, "immediately Jesus reached out His hand, caught hold of him" IMMEDIATELY. CAUGHT HOLD OF HIM. I love that. Jesus did speak to Peter about the situation, but not out of anger, but almost out of "shoot, you almost got it Peter" attitude. I think Jesus was actually proud of Peter for putting his faith into action. No one else did it.
Here is what I got from this. Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore and He also said, I am with you till the very end of the age. I want Jesus so bad, more than ever and yet, I sink. And just like Peter I yell, "Lord save me!" and guess what He does? He immediately takes a hold of me. Friend, He immediately takes hold of you as well when you sink. Why? Because you are His and He loves you deeply. He knows what we are made of, but He also knows what we can become because of His great love. He wants us to step out of the boat. He also gets us when we sink. But He is also cheering us on because there will be a day when we step out of the boat and we won't sink and we will look at Him and He will have a smile saying, "now you got it, let's keep moving forward...knowing we will sink again, but i can hear Him whisper, "and lo, I am with you always...have courage, it is I. Don't be afriad"
Jesus is out walking on water when Peter demands to come out to Him and Jesus says, "come" and Peter walks on water...........and then sinks. As Peter is sinking he yells out "Lord save me!" Do you know what Jesus does? Let's play this out a bit before we look at what the Scriptures tell us:
Jesus rebuked Peter! Nope
Jesus says to Peter, because you have dishonored me with your unbelief, you must get yourself out of this situation! Nope
Jesus punished Peter for failing! Nope
Jesus was ashamed of Peter! Nope
Matthew 14:31 says this, "immediately Jesus reached out His hand, caught hold of him" IMMEDIATELY. CAUGHT HOLD OF HIM. I love that. Jesus did speak to Peter about the situation, but not out of anger, but almost out of "shoot, you almost got it Peter" attitude. I think Jesus was actually proud of Peter for putting his faith into action. No one else did it.
Here is what I got from this. Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore and He also said, I am with you till the very end of the age. I want Jesus so bad, more than ever and yet, I sink. And just like Peter I yell, "Lord save me!" and guess what He does? He immediately takes a hold of me. Friend, He immediately takes hold of you as well when you sink. Why? Because you are His and He loves you deeply. He knows what we are made of, but He also knows what we can become because of His great love. He wants us to step out of the boat. He also gets us when we sink. But He is also cheering us on because there will be a day when we step out of the boat and we won't sink and we will look at Him and He will have a smile saying, "now you got it, let's keep moving forward...knowing we will sink again, but i can hear Him whisper, "and lo, I am with you always...have courage, it is I. Don't be afriad"
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