I Don't Even...

I was hanging out with Apostle Paul this past week while watching my two oldest girls play soccer and enjoying sunlight on my skin.  So as I was reading about Paul, I came across these two thoughts and I had to put the book down (always have a book with you wherever you go, always a great companion to have along) and close my eyes for a bit.

My response to what I am about to share with you is simply this, "I don't even know what to do with this!"  Haha.  Ready?

First thought that I connected with was found in 2 Corinthians 11:24-28 - "Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes.  Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent in the deep.  I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren; I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure.  Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure on me of concern for all the churches."

Now, when I read Scripture, I am always looking for a word or a phrase that stands out to me and then I use that as my focal point of meditation.  Well, this time as I read those words the phrase that stood out to me was "from the Jews."  Why?  They are Paul's own people.  He is one of them.  Chances are, he grew up with some of them and now they are beating him senseless and, why?  Jesus!  So Paul takes a beating by his own people because he has embraced Jesus Christ, when really they should too, but their eyes are blinded to the reality of who Jesus is.  Now, I am going to be straight up with you.  After my first set of 39 lashes, I am rethinking my calling out.  Heck, I might even rethink my relationship with Jesus.  Like, how can I follow Jesus without all this?  I mean, wow.  And he received that on 5 different occasions across the same ole back.  What was recovery like for Paul back then?  How long was it between his lashes?  Were the wounds even scabbed over from the previous lashings?  All for Jesus.  Whew!  So here I am at a soccer game overcome with emotions about what the cost was for Paul to follow Jesus.  And my feelings toward my Jewish brothers?  I don't even want to go there at this moment.  Then...

My second portion of reading came from Romans 9:2-3 (you sitting down for this) - "I am telling the truth in Christ, I am not lying, my conscience testifies with me in the Holy Spirit, that I have great sorrow and unceasing grief in my heart.  For I could wish that I myself were accursed, separated from Christ for the sake of my brethren"  

Have you had the ah-ha moment yet like I did?  The word that stood out to me is the word "brethren" meaning the same ones who probably whipped his body 39x on 5 different occasions.  Paul says, "I could wish that I myself were accursed, SEPARATED from Christ for the sake of "those who beat me because they are blinded to the reality of who Jesus Christ really is."   And now I am overwhelmed...i don't even know what to think, do, or say.   Because, I don't think this way.  And do you see who Paul is acting like, thinking like, speaking like?  Jesus.  Are you kidding me?  Jesus is that precious to Paul.  Paul's body is not worth it...or in the words of Esther, "if I perish, I perish”.  Jesus is Paul's everything and he would give Jesus up if he knew that his brothers would embrace Jesus as their Savior.  Then it led me to some words of Jesus (gulp) - 

"you are blessed when they insult you and persecute you and falsely say every kind of evil against you because of me.  Be glad and rejoice, because your reward is in heaven." (Matthew 5:11-12)

"if anyone slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also...and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two."  (Matthew 5:39, 41)

"but I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:44-45)

At this point, I'm done.  Haha.  But can't you at least appreciate Paul's willingness to lean into the obedience of Jesus Christ?  And as I am sitting there on the bleachers, I hear the same Spirit whisper to me, "How about you?"

I'm almost done.  But the part of all this that got my attention is back in Romans 9 - "that I have great sorrow and unceasing grief in my heart..."  People apart from Jesus Christ break Paul's heart...and because people are lost, Paul considers his body and life as a living sacrifice to be used however for the glory of people knowing Jesus.  May the same Spirit that moved the life of Jesus, that spoke into the life of Paul, that whispered to me say to you, "How about you?"

One more Scripture and a quote:

Romans 10:1 - "brothers and sisters, my heart's desire and prayer to God concerning them is for their salvation."  May we start praying for people's salvation and how we can be used to bring Glory to Jesus.

"discipleship is the process of becoming who Jesus would be if he were you."  Dallas Willard.

"how about you?"

What A Friend!

I love those friendships that blossom into full-on spiritual togetherness and you don't even recall what it was that moved it to the next level.  It is like needing to hear from them on a daily basis just to receive encouragement or inspiration to keep moving forward.  I have had this friendship since 2002.  We have had our ups and downs and I, sadly, have not taken the time to fully appreciate and invest into this relationship that I believe God desired for me, but I am trekking with this person now and I am a better man for it.  And I personally believe what I love about this person is that after they embraced Jesus Christ, they essentially "disappeared" for 13 years.  I would love to know what transpired during these 13 years, but this person just doesn't want to share it because it is both intimate and special to them.  This person has suffered dearly because of Jesus and yet, chose to remain faithful to Him.  Uniquely, it is those 13 years that has caused me to write this blog, to share with whoever has ears to hear, what makes this relationship so special.  I'll stop keeping you in suspense...Who is this friend?

His name is Paul.  What's unique is that I didn't like Paul at first.  Today, I can't function a single day without spending a few minutes with him and allowing him to speak some truth into my life.  And Paul doesn't pull any punches either.  He tells it as it is but with a depth of love and grace.  It is such a special friendship.  Paul and I know each other only because of Jesus Christ, which makes it even more special. But let me share with you what his 13 years of "silence" is doing for me right now.  I want you to know a bit about my best friend so I'll try to be clear and short.  He felt, because of his relationship with God and his love for the law, that killing Christianity was honoring to the Lord, and Paul was good at it and was on his way to killing more when he encountered a Resurrected Jesus on his was to Damascus.  Paul's life would forever change after that day, but it is what happens next that has impacted me greatly.  Reading Acts will lead you into thinking that Paul goes straight into the ministry, but when you read his life chronologically,  you get a picture of Paul's life that is very deep.  He stayed in Damascus for a bit and even made a quick appearance into Jerusalem but then immediately was led to Arabia for roughly 3 years.  Arabia is a desert which uniquely is about the same area where both Moses and Elijah encountered the Lord in a fresh new way.  What happened there?  Paul won't tell me!  But you can use your imagination a bit and think about what being with Jesus for 3 years alone would be like!  But Jesus did say in Acts 9:16 that He was going to reveal to Paul what he must suffer for His Name's Sake.  And I love that Paul chose to move forward and boy, he suffered dearly for Jesus, but Paul has told me numerous times that he wouldn't have changed a thing.  It was all for the glory of his Jesus that he did what he did.  That has inspired me greatly.  Then, he comes out of Arabia again for just a brief time and then was commanded to go back home to Tarsus for about 10 years.  Well, what happened there for 10 years?  Paul won't tell me!  But as we look at the majority of the New Testament and read the letters that Paul wrote, I have the tendency to think to myself, "Man, if Paul could have been doing ministry during those 13 years, how much more impact he would have had?"  And then I have to remind myself, I really don't have a clue what Paul was doing for those 13 years and frankly it doesn't matter because what really matters is that Jesus was doing something significant in Paul.  

Friends, that is the key statement of this blog and of this friendship.  Jesus is always on the move in your life and in my life even when we don't feel it.  Paul would even tell you that even if you are in a wilderness for 13 years not doing what you feel like you should be doing, the reality is that you are in a school of hard lessons to get you ready for what is next.  It even happened to my other hero David.  David was anointed to be the next king over Israel and do you know what would happen to David over the next many years?  He would be on the run for his life from King Saul.   He eventually landed in the Cave of Adullam alone!  Utterly alone!  But God had David at the school of hard knocks to get him prepared for being king over Israel.  And while we are at it, The Lord sent Jesus to the wilderness for 40 days to get Him ready for the next part of His journey.  The Lord is always at work in us.  Paul would loudly say, "He who began a new work in you will see it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus return."  I love that Paul was learning and growing during those 13 years and that they were never wasted.  I feel like Paul would look at me and say, those 13 years were pivotal in my ministry and effectiveness for the Glory of Jesus.  I love that eventually while Barnabas was doing ministry in Antioch, he was moved by the Spirit to go find Paul and bring him back to Antioch to continue the ministry movement there.  It was at this point, that there would be no more turning back for Paul, he was now leaning full-on toward Jesus sharing the good news of the Gospel message even in the midst of suffering and death.  I love apostle Paul.  He is my spiritual friend and inspiration. Why do I share this with you?  Well, if you are like me,  you find  yourself in the middle of a wilderness unsure of what is next.  I mean it, I literally don't know what is next for me but I also am not losing any sleep over it because I have placed it into the hands of MY JESUS.  I believe that while Paul was in Tarsus, he went into the business of becoming a tent maker.  You can't just sit idle while in the wilderness…you've got to press forward.  Paul learned to be a tent maker and made that his career until God had something new for him.  By the way, Paul was very seldom ever alone but there was this one time when he was in Corinth (Acts 18) alone and he made a connection to a married couple named Aquila and Priscilla and do you know what they did for a living?  They were tent makers! Oh, how God makes me laugh sometimes.  So when Paul was in between ministries, he was out making tents.  Haha, I love it.  Paul is reminding me that something new is coming but in the meantime, work.  Continue to press into Jesus even more.  And I am truly learning that even though I am not in "Ministry" the truth is I am in "ministry" because it is always before us.  If I love Jesus and love my neighbor as myself, then I am doing the will of God when I fulfill both of those commands.  Or as my buddy Paul has taught me, even when he was in prison chained to guards, he would advance the Gospel by proclaiming Jesus to those he was stuck to (Philippians 1:12-14).  So my life and your life might not look like what we had in mind, but let me tell you this, it isn't over and it isn't wasted.  Today, place yourself in the hands of an Almighty God and say, "Take my life and let it be, consecrated Lord to thee" and if you mean it, then stay ready by continually learning and growing and sharing.  Even though prison is not what Paul had in mind, he used that opportunity to do ministry and it impacted Caesar's household (Philippians 4:22).